Crisis of confidence, crawling under floors and kicking self up the bum

Last week was one of those weeks where it seems there's been some kind of disruption to space time and you never seem to have as long as you think to get things done.

As my job is vaguely linked to education, half term is a good time for me to take some time off – you don' miss much happening, and with everyone else off, things tend to grind to a halt. So, last week I took time out to do some bits and bobs around the house.

Now 'bits and bobs' was the original plan, but it quickly evolved into massive building works.

I've been dismantling and making furniture, squeezing the contents of my largest room into my smallest room, stripping decades old wallpaper, rewiring sockets, demolishing a fireplace surround, crawling under the floors (which is always good fun), making too many trips to well known Swedish furniture retailers, travelling to Dorset, making tea for a plasterer, travelling to Kent, taking down shelves, entertaining visiting friends, carrying sofas the long way to the garage, scrubbing plaster off skirting boards, and generally not having anything resembling a rest.

The upshot of all this is that my training's suffered – I've missed a couple of good size runs.

Now, if I'm honest, I knew that'd happen. It's easy to think that solely by being so busy I've just not had chance to keep on top of it.

But, I had a really bad run early in the week, and had something of a crisis of confidence.

I seriously started to think about just jacking it in.

I couldn't get a decent rhythm, kept getting a stitch, and generally couldn't get to that calm headspace where you just get through the miles. It can feel incredibly lonely doing this, and I think the work, life and training balance thing just got a bit overwhelmed.

Also, with all the stuff going on at home, I've been disconnected from the interweb, so haven't been able to use this blog as my usual venting mechanism.

Now, after a gruelling week, I think I'm getting back to a good place.

Hopefully I'll be going to see my charity people soon so I can confirm everything properly with them - that gives me the emotional blackmail I need to make myself do this.

Also, I'm working more on planning my runs. For example, I've got a 7pm meeting tomorrow night, and a 10 mile run. So I'm gonna bring in my gear to do it before the meeting, eat lunch at desk so can get going earlyish, and am planning food for before and after.

I'm also trying to work out how to tweak leaving times at work now I'm hitting 5 runs a week. I was leaving early on Tuesday and Thursday, but now the latter is becoming a rest day so I need to see what wiggle room I have.

I want to get as much pre-planned as I can, to help if not overcome lifes obstacles, at least make them feel more manageable, and not feel so overwhelmed.

So, with the proverbial kick up the bum, it's all cliches about new leaves, and laser-beam focus from here on in!


  1. A week off won't kill you. I have lots of runs when I think "Why am I doing this?". I was doing a 6 mile run the other day and got totally bored 3 miles in and then walked home the quickest way I could. I felt a bit flat as a result but I still did 14 miles two days later.

    Having said that I did 18 yesterday and the though of doing another 8 on top is horrific. You have done it before though so you have one thing that I don't - experience.

    Good luck.

  2. It might be the fact that my last experience was so horrific that I'm dreading it so much!

    Though, I do keep comparing where I am now, with where I was last year and am still ahead, which is good.

    My training last year only went up to 18, so if you can do that, you'll get around easily!