Marathon pain comparison

I'm not gonna lie - running a marathon is not a pleasant experience.

I've only made it round one, and it was horrible.

But, the ever-soothing passage of time helps erase these painful memories and allows you to convince yourself that it wasn't actually that bad, so why not give it another go?

That is why I tell people that whilst pretty much anyone can do a marathon with proper preparation, they shouldn't.

My thoughts drifted to this topic the other day as I contemplated the symphony of suffering I'd somehow composed for myself.

The dull, monotonous pain of the ceaselessly aching ribs I cracked underlining the ebb and flow of pain from the tooth now ripped from it's mandibular home. All this abbreviated with the occasional crescendo from the now absent distal phalanx from my left index finger as I forget it isn't fully healed and stub it on a range of one of the previously unrecognised obstacles that litter my life.

These musings - quite naturally I'm sure you'll agree - made me think that I needed to draw a graph comparing the different pains over time.

Obviously, for it to stand up to any kind of scientific rigour, you need to set some kind of parameters, so I've gone for a simple 0-10 scale for pain (with 0 being least and 10 being most).

Time is measured on a 0-20 scale, with 0 being the time the incident happened. But, 1 unit isn't necessarily a day. I've gone for 20 being more of an unarbitrary period of general suffering, and subdivided that.


Taking the marathon as a starting point, that hurt a lot at the time (0) and for a few days after, but subsided pretty steadily once I stopped doing stupid things like running.

Cutting my finger off with a table saw was, understandably, immediately more painful than the marathon, but that diminished rapidly and is really only an issue now when I bang it (not as uncommon as I'd like!).

The ribs were more of a bore - not as instantly painful, just diminishing less rapidly than I'd likeand pretty restrictive for things like moving and sleeping.

The tooth is all over the shop. Not the worst immediately, but ebbing and flowing over time depending on if bits are still falling out, whether I'm being operated on, or if I've bitten into something too enthusiastically and forgotten the no go area for solids in my mouth.

So, for all those people out there wondering how running a marathon compares to cutting off a finger, cracking a rib or smashing out a tooth, there's now a convenient graphical comparison.

All part of the service here at PRL Towers...

Pain is relative

Like the really annoying uncle you never want to visit

Regular readers will be giddy as a bunch of street drinkers in the Threshers sale to know I've managed not to accidentally hurt myself lately!

The key word being 'accidentally'.

I have had a minor operation to remove the remaining fragments of tooth that my ill-thought out attempt to stop myself falling from bike with my face didn't fully dislodge.

As ever, my trusty BlackBerry Storm was on hand to document the occasion.

This is my with the sexy glasses on, pre-anesthetic:


Don't know why it's so green, but I'm assuming I was shooting from inside Kermit the Frog.

This is me after they'd sliced into my gum and ripped out the root:


The white bit is the gauze I had to bite down on to stop the bleeding. Five seconds later this was pretty much solid red, and tasted warm...

This is the little blighter the dental profession were so keen to extract from it's natural place of rest:


Nice. Not at all like a maggot that has recently gorged on the inside of a rotten crow...

And this is the state of my gum:
There's just the one stitch in there, that will apprarently dissolve within two days to two weeks. I wish they'd trimmed the end a bit more as there's a dangly bit I keep playing with that's really annoying.

Sorry there weren't any of the actual yanking out, but the doctor and nurse didn't realise I was taking snaps until it was already out. They said they'd have been more than willing to take a few - gotta love the NHS!

So, I can tell you're wondering how, other than helping in my efforts to lose a bit of weight, this impacting on the training?

Not too badly really, other than time.There was a bit of excessive blood during some Sunday morning exursion, but that all seems to have calmed down now (apart from a sandwich incident yesterday lunchtime).

Also, now the ribs are less completely debilitating, I'm now able to get a few non-cycling miles under my belt. So this week will be a test of how this whole shebang has affected the running, and an indicator (for me at least) whether all the cycling has helped keep things from deteriorating into a steaming pile of uselessness.

Phils hills ills

Tonight was my first attempt at 'hill reps' as part of my London Marathon training.

Allegedly...

Yes, I went to the park apres the bulk of my work day, but pres (I'm sure that's right) an evening meeting.

Yes, I had spent the day mentally preparing myself to jog for 10 mins to warm up and have my first go at 5 x 1 min uphill, jogging back down.

Yes, I even ate healthily through the day so I was well petrolled .

Yes, I managed the 10 min jog ok-ish, but that's where the wheels... erm... feet... erm... ribs fell off.

I did manage almost an entire one uphill before the ribs decided this wasn't for me.

I say 'decided' like it was the culmination of a long discussion where both sides had a chance to rationally put forward their arguments before coming to a mutually convenient conclusion.

It was actually more like being smacked in the side by a cricket bat.

So, I bailed.

That's the second time an attempted run has failed due to the cracked ribs. Who'd have thought that they'd keep being so annoying for a whole month?

Oddly, they aren't giving me much jip when I'm cycling. I guess that's because I'm more hunched over, closer to the foetal position I scramble into whenever I feel a sneeze is imminent.

Now, you might think I'd take the hint, but if this marathon attempt is about anything, it's about me putting my body in it's place.

I'm gonna take it easy tomorrow and then have a go at the next task set by the sometimes-lovely-but-also-sometimes-not-quite-so-lovely Sally.

Surely it'll get better soon, but in the meantime I've got a dull meeting.

Bike service resumes

Following a few weeks off the bike due to gross stupidity, it was with mild trepidation that I once again donned the hi-viz and helmet yesterday.

I know this is supposed to be a blog about running, but I've started to rely on the bike as a way of not only getting to work cheaper (and quicker!), but as great for my overall fitness and a good way to strengthen my stupidly lame knees.

First thing to notice was that the daylight seems to have done a runner. So, not only was it my first proper ride without part of my anatomy, but it was also my first time with my lights.

It was also my first time doing the journey on new mountain bike*, so I'd have to get used to gears actually working, and being able to accelerate out of junctions.

Thankfully, I'd gone old school with my light selection and gone for pure out-and-out brightness. I don't need 26 different sequences of flashing, just as much wattage as you can possibly cram in.

This seemed the right choice as I pulled out of my garage not long after 6am and the unlit access road was not so much bathed, as drenched in light.

Hell yeah!

Once I was off, it seemed like I'd not forgotten how the whole cycling thing works. In many ways, it was just like riding a bike...

The slight climb at the bridge was seen off with ruthless efficiency by the new bike which seems to love going uphill - psychotic thing.

Not having been out for a while, I was consciously trying not to overdo it by blasting off, but after a while I was on a nice bit of flat and I thought I'd have a play and slipped into top.

Hell yeah!

This beats the living poo out of my old bike - so light, controlled and fast! It's not something I expected from a humble mountain bike, but it took off.

Pretty soon I realised I was overdoing it a bit and would end up burning out, but there's no doubt that there's some good potential for smashing my PB to work time to well below the 40 minute mark.

Yesterday was, according to the first proper week of my training plan by Sally, cross training day. Was supposed to be 30 mins on the bike. Since I rode to and from work, it was slightly nearer 90 mins. Oops.

Hey ho, got to try to get some hill reps in today - never done that before so could get a bit interesting!

* I just prefer MTB's - more fun at the weekends in the woods etc. Unless you come off and smash your ribs and mouth apart - that kinda sucks. But would probably have been worse on a road bike!

Training while injured

I figured that one of the few benefits of cracked ribs, amputated parts of hand and smashed teeth would be that I can take time out to chill from marathon training.

The ribs are the main problem at the mo – though they only hurt if I do anything requiring superhuman effort like, say, walking.

Or sitting.

If I'm being honest, the last two attempts at the marathon were not exactly built on solid foundations. The first time was my first real exercise in 10 years, the second built on that, but only after an eight-month lull.

This time, after enforced rest for rebuilding strength in my knee, saw me investing in a bike to keep the fitness up, and occasional gentle runs when I felt like it – built up slowly as dictated by the physio who'd spent months getting my knee to stop hurting.

However, not being able to run or cycle for the last four weeks after a series of accidents has started to get on my nerves, so, I have ambitiously started taking strolls.

Last week I started having lunchtime strolls around the park next to work – it's got a convenient marked mile.

When I've used this route for recovery runs before evening meetings at work, I was usually getting in around 7:30 minute miles – prob too fast for recovery runs, but never felt like I was overdoing it over the shorter distance.

On paper, average walking speed is supposed to be c. 3mph. I've always been a bit of a speedy walker so I reckon I get nearer 5 mph,

The first time I tried it, it took me 25 mins to walk a mile.

25 mins.

That's 2.4mph, or a marathon time of just shy of 11 hours.

Hmm...

Clearly there's work to do.

Not being an optimist, I'm not going to claim this will all be good, rather I'll just rely on my usual coping strategy – refusing to understand how bad it really is.

It's not that I don't understand, I just stubbornly can't be bothered to think about how bad it could be – takes way too much effort!

So, as most cardio is off the table for (hopefully only) a week or so, I'm focussing on the strength stuff I often overlook/get bored with.

That's stuff to strengthen my lower back, which I often have issues with, and getting the knees as strong as poss ready for the demands of a marathon training schedule.

This consists of mainly gentle stretching/light lifts/squats etc. but it's pretty boring, and not without rib pain. But, I need to get on with it otherwise October becomes November, becomes December etc.

Hopefully my possum-like reaction will see me through, but it's also backed-up by the least possum-like woman trainer I've ever had Sally.

She's fully aware of my problems, and has been beavering away on exciting plans, an has even had an insight into my eating habits.

So, it's all a bit in limbo here, but all being alright, I'll be getting going soon.